I'm so fucking centered right now
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
