I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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