so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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