I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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