would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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