He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
