dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
