fuck your aforementioned shoe
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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