I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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