this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
