I wish you could order shots online.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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