? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
