I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
