How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
