so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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