It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
