Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
