What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
