dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You are a genius and a whore.
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