hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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