my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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