Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
