woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
