pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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