I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
