so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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