My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
