see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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