Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
