if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
