Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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