so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
