O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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