be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
