Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Success! We fucked roommates!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
