Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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