she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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