I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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