someone threw a dead crab at me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
