How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
