OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
pray to the hookup gods
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
