Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
