i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
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... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's blow job season.
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We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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