So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
