margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
