I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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