I faked an abortion last night.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
