I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
