I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
