So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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