Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
