Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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