mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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