I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just high enough for therapy.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
