Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
