yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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