He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
