she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize