I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
