I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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