idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
