i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
