at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
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Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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