Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
