Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
