It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
