Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
