drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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