you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
