sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize