I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
