I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
