Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
